Can i spank my toddler

When defiant toddlers throw their bottles, frustrated parents often turn to parenting expert Catherine Pearlman, author of the book Ignore It!

Meanwhile, ineffective discipline can exacerbate parental frustration — which can result in yelling. A study published in Child Development highlighted just how dangerous regularly yelling at your kids can be. They found that harsh verbal discipline, such as yelling, swearing, and using insults, was as harmful as hitting or spanking toddlers. Likewise, 50 years worth of research suggests spanking and harsh punishment can lead to mental health problems, cognitive difficulties, aggression, and antisocial tendencies later in life.

And yet one in six parents are still doing it. The point of discipline, Pearlman says, is behavioral training — creating consequences to prevent actions from happening repeatedly. Instead, Pearlman recommends redirection. Spanking -- the act of striking a child's buttocks with an open hand -- is a form of corporal punishment, a catchall term that includes hitting with a belt, paddling with an object such as a stick or a large wooden spoon and slapping with an open hand on the face.

Most child-development experts include acts such as tapping a toddler's diaper-cushioned bottom when he misbehaves and smacking the hand of a kid protectively as he reaches for a hot stove in the same category. Since all of these punishments entail hitting, the American Academy of Pediatrics AAP urges parents not to resort to them under any circumstance. The committee's position is that spanking often evolves into abuse, which endangers a child's safety and can cause psychological damage, leading to aggressive behavior, substance problems, and acts of delinquency during adolescence.

It recommends alternative tactics, such as verbal reprimands though not yelling , taking away privileges, and giving time-outs to deal with the misbehavior. Clearly, though, a lot of parents aren't getting the message or have decided they know what method is best for them -- and their kids. The "terrible twos" and "trying threes" tend to test a parent's resolve more than any other phase, so it makes sense that kids in these age groups are the most likely to be spanked. Nearly one third of parents of preschoolers have no qualms about using corporal punishment as a means to correct bad behavior, according to an April national poll conducted by the University of Michigan's C.

Mott Children's Hospital. Even First Ladies aren't above delivering a swift swat now and again. In a USA Weekend interview last spring, First Lady Michelle Obama admitted to spanking her daughter Malia once or twice when she was little but said it was "completely ineffective.

Phil she did the same to her twin daughters, Barbara and Jenna, when they were young. Research shows that the likelihood of being a spanker depends in part on where a parent lives. In the United States, families in the South and West view it more favorably than their counterparts in the Northeast and Midwest, according to the C. Mott Children's Hospital poll.

And one study published in Family Relations found that African-American parents are 9 percent more likely to spank their children than white parents are. Put simply, spankers tend to breed spankers. Women who were punished physically during childhood are nearly 50 percent more likely to discipline their kids the same way, according to a Ohio State University study. A common refrain among parents who spank is, "My folks did it to me, and I turned out fine.

A child's sex also seems to play a role. Boys, who are stereotypically more rambunctious than girls, tend to be spanked more often. Indeed, "aggressive" behavior -- anything from grabbing a toy out of another child's hand to pulling the dog's tail to biting a sibling -- is the top reason parents spank, numerous studies show.

While many pro-spanking parents cling to the effectiveness of the method, a spate of evidence suggests that striking a child often backfires, making him more, not less, unruly. In a Pediatrics study, 3-year-olds who were spanked more than twice a month were 50 percent more likely to exhibit hostile tendencies by age 5. And the potential downside for a child is severe. Though you may not have intentionally hurt your child yet, the potential for physical or emotional damage is there. Before angry outbursts lead to something more serious, now is the time to get professional help.

The same goes if your partner shows violent tendencies. What to Expect follows strict reporting guidelines and uses only credible sources, such as peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions and highly respected health organizations.

Learn how we keep our content accurate and up-to-date by reading our medical review and editorial policy. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff.

This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. Registry Builder New. Others become excitable, overactive, and aggressive. How are we going to teach our children it's not okay to hurt others when we keep hurting them?

For 2- to 4-year-olds, lots of supervision along with distraction and redirection are better tools. All the spanking in the world won't teach a child it isn't safe to run into a busy street until he's developmentally ready to learn that lesson. Some children will push and push until they get a spanking and then settle down. They've been conditioned not to settle down or cooperate until they're spanked.

Instead, try holding a disobedient child firmly on your lap. No matter how much she struggles, don't let go until she calms down or agrees to cooperate. Taking away something fun is a widely used tool by today's parents, many of whom picked up the habit from their own parents. But I often think he just gets mad, and I wonder if he really learns anything from the experience. For today's parents, the idea of redemption plays an important role.

Punishment just invites defiance, rebellion, or low self-esteem. If your child breaks something during a tantrum, you could take TV away for a week. But that won't teach him anything. Instead, find a way for him to replace or repair the item. That might mean earning the money — even small children can do simple chores — or taking the money out of his piggy bank or allowance.

Or perhaps he can sit with you and glue the item back together. This and many other nonpunitive methods are respectful and teach a child important life skills. Our parents may not have called it a time-out, but make no mistake, they used it. Does "Go to your room" ring a bell? The time-out continues to be a favorite for parents of 2-year-olds, 3- to 4-year-olds, kindergartners, and grade-schoolers.

Parents of younger children may discover the technique doesn't work well yet. But not all time-outs are created equal. Some readers report using gentler methods than their parents did. I didn't find that particularly educational," says one mom. Change it. Time-out is recommended when the purpose is positive: To give a child a chance to take a break for a short time and try again as soon as he feels better.

This cooling-off period allows a child to "do" better because it gives him a chance to "feel" better. Since the term time-out has so many negative associations, you might ask your child to rename it, something like cooling-off spot or feel-good place.

For very young children, try taking a time-out together in a place that encourages calm and quiet. It may include cushions, a favorite stuffy, or a book to read. The term grounding may make you think of teenagers forced to stay home for breaking curfew. But this technique — really a form of losing privileges — is also used by parents of young children, who say they learned it from their own parents. Another mom, who endured groundings herself growing up, says, "When my son was 6, he was grounded for throwing rocks over the school fence onto parked cars.

He didn't like it, I don't think I ever did either as a kid. But I never repeated the offense, and, to my knowledge, neither has he.

Like losing privileges, groundings work if the child misses something he cares about — otherwise it's worthless. It's a waste of time grounding a 2- or 3-year-old, as they really don't understand the connection. Most parents choose a grounding period that's too long. Extended periods can backfire, causing your child to feel persecuted or picked on and starting a negative retaliation cycle.